The S Word!!!
Hey, Hey, how is your week going so far? Are you enjoying your quarantine so far? Guess what? It is getting better day by day and so are you! Recently I had a friend tell me about myself and he truly told me about myself and when he told me about myself deep down I said, "who do you think you are telling me all this stuff" but truth is he read me like an open book. Sometimes the hardest thing to hear is exactly what we need to hear the most! Long story short he told me I didn’t like being by myself although I lived by myself, he told me I didn’t enjoy being by myself. When he shared I knew he was tripping because I loved living by myself but that’s not what he meant. Truth is I didn’t know how to be alone and I cried after he told me that (but not in front of him lol because I’m a thug.. just kidding). Growing up I used to hide my feelings and run from my pain due to my childhood ( I’ll talk about that soon). I never wanted to be by myself, so I would volunteer, workout, spend time with my friends. I did the most so I wouldn’t have to spend time alone.
Being in quarantine by myself it forced me to learn to be by myself, be alone. I truly didn’t know myself, I got to spend more time with God, identify my strengths and work on my weaknesses. I have learned what I like and what I don’t like. What I can bring to the table and what I need to work on in order to become whole. Being alone has forced me to truly learn and work on myself it is the little things we don’t realize about ourselves that truly needs work. One thing God revealed to me, my single season is the most important season of my life. Your single season is the time when you can truly walk in your purpose not to mention truly build on your relationship with me (GOD). If my relationship is off with God, my relationship with others will be too. Guess what, my relationship was off with HIM and all of my other relationships were not fruitful.
I learned that I always tried to get worldly things to feel my void that only God could fill. My relationship was off with God and I didn’t enjoy being by myself which led me to try to get males attention and affection to feel the void. However, God is the only one who can fill that void, the more time I spent with God the more my desire of needing another person or their company started to fade away. Most people think because we are single it is supposed to be a horrible season, no enjoy this time with yourself. Enjoy this season! Learn yourself, learn your desires, and start doing self- care. Last week, I learned so much about myself that I never thought mattered to me. I’m digging more into myself and not to mention spending more time with God. The more we focus on working our relationship with God, the rest of our relationships will fall into place -trust me. It is a journey and a beautiful process. Enjoy you boo!!!
At times, my flesh wants to be grown and the thoughts arise because I am human. Instead of turning to my worldly habits, I say positive affirmations over and over until my thoughts fade away. A couple weeks ago, I wanted to do something I had no business doing like none whatsoever. Instead of acting out and doing what my flesh wanted, I went into the bathroom looked myself in the mirror and said my positive affirmations over my life. Guess what, I cried. I could not allow myself to slip back into my old habits, I had to rewire my thinking! I refused to lower my standards or worth for anything or anyone anymore!
Many times, we can desire a man to be WHOLE but are we WHOLE ourselves? I can only speak on my situation; it may be different for you and your journey BUT embrace it. Take this time to work on you!! It is going to hurt it is a slow ride, but it is beautiful and rewarding. Trust me, you will understand and know what you offer and bring to the table, they will have the choice to pull up a seat or starve!
We are on this journey together!!!
Enjoy the rest of your week!!