What’s been going on? Praying all is with you in every area of your life. Sis, I didn’t know September was nationally known for Sucide Awareness Month. Like honestly, I didn’t even know that was a thing but sis, now you know when I gave God my full yes, I promise to be authentic and always tell my story because He gets all the glory outta me. Well sis, your girl is a sucuide survivor I don’t even know if that’s a thing well it’s going to be today. I used to battle with thoughts of harming myself and it got to the extreme one day and I actually was a centimeter off from seeing Jesus a little early, BUT GOD!!!!!
Sis, the first time I wanted to harm myself was when I was in high school. I want to say I was in the 9th grade. I got into a heated conversation with my dad, he said some really foul words towards me and it hurt. Like hearing those words from my dad broke me, as he said those words to me all I could do was cry on the inside. After our conversation was over, I immediately ran into the bathroom to cry. I ran the shower water and started to shave because I was going to the doctor the next day. As I started to shave it started to feel good, I got closer to my arm and I started to bleed and I just kept cutting. The only thing that was running through my mind was my father's thoughts at the time about me and sis cutting myself numb my pain at the moment.
The next day, I went to the doctor and she wasn’t feeling my excuse of I was hairy. She called my mom immediately and shared with her I was a centimete off from cutting a major vein in my body and if i wouldv’e cut myself I could’ve died instantly. From that moment on, I started to think my life didn't matter, that I wasn’t worried because of some of the things my dad would say to me. I wanted to leave earth a lot earlier than what God planned for me. Sis, sucicide is not a joke and it’s hard because at times I didn’t want to get out of bed but I knew God had more in store for me and the enemy was truly playing tricks on my mind.
Babygirl, you are alive for a reason. If your heart's still beating, God's not through with you yet. I know it’s hard queen and I have been there but I’m God saved me and He will save you too. If you let him. Tune into my latest podcast episode Sis, We Survived on ALL podcast platforms to hear my story about sucidie attempt.
Love you Queen,