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Sis, I'm Sorry!



You are so powerful but unforgiveness is holding you up.--

Brelyn Bowman one of the Pastors of Spirit of Faith Christian Center



I will never forget this day, I was standing at the altar and my pastor had an altar call for those wanting to give up smoking weed. An alter call for smoking weed in the church, where they do that at!!!!


People were bringing their weed to the altar, their funnel not to mention lighters!

I felt the nudge in my heart to get up but my feet felt like I was in sinking sand. I finally got the courage to get up and go to the altar. I remember the tears streaming down my face and my pastor , Pastor Brelyn --came over and whispered in my ear you are so powerful but unforgiveness is holding you up.



Now as she said that to me- I was like who do I need to forgive?


After service I asked her and she said you have to ask God!



Now I am so confused on who I needed to forgive. The list started to form of the people, I started to forgive.

I said I forgive you- let me say it again --- I said I forgive you-- but I carried that bitterness and resentment around for a few years. I will talk about that in another episode.


how many of us forgive others, and we say I forgive you but still low-key you ain't really forgive that person? Me for sure


BUT


Have you ever forgiven yourself?


yes, myself.


Have you ever looked at yourself and said baby girl, I’m sorry for sending that text,


I’m sorry for doing xyz.


I’m truly sorry


No right? I know I never would have thought to ever forgive myself!


You think just because you see yourself everyday that you do not have to say I’m sorry to you!!!!



Pastor Michael Todd from transformation church did an amazinggggg series on FU Forgiveness University and one of the lessons was FU lol forgive you— how to forgive yourself


Powerful sermon; I highly recommend watching it!!!


I watched that sermon and I never thought about forgiving myself.


Truth is we all have to forgive it is our responsibility especially as a Christian.


You have to forgive!


Forgiveness is not for them but it is for you!!


The one person we seem to forget to forgive is ourselves, we can forgive everyone else but we tend to forget all about ourselves.



Now forgiveness is hard. I'm not even going to lie to you but we can’t forgive others if we never forgive ourselves-- honestly.


You have the key to unlock your future.


So many times, we can forgive others but we forget to look at ourselves in the mirror and say I forgive you!


I did not like looking myself in the mirror at times because all I saw was my abuse,


my abortion,


my daddy issues and it hurt, it broke me. It made me feel unworthy. **** (pause breathe)



But I had to have the most realest conversation with myself. Now I know some of us talk to ourselves lol


But I had to look at myself in the mirror and say,


Romeika I forgive you.


I forgive you for committing first-degree murder


I forgive you for sending that text


I forgive you for not understanding your worth.


The list can continue honestly but as I looked myself in the mirror the water works started. And the more I forgave myself the more the band aids started to come off.


The more I forgave myself it reminded me of how much I needed God.


I needed to become vulnerable to him; for Him to remind me of who He created me to be.


His word never promises us that we wouldn’t go through things but it did promise us-- He would be with us always and He would never leave us. *** (Pause and breathe)



So many times, we say if God so loves me how come this happened to me or why did that happen.



But everything the enemy thought that was meant to break you and destroy you God is using it for your greater good. For ALL things are working together for your greater good. You may not see it or feel it BUT it is working because we walk by faith not by sight ---faith the unseen.



Now, I do not know what happened to you, but I am so sorry that it happened to you.


You are not a failure


And it was wrong. And I am sorry you had to experience that!


It is not your fault



Do not allow your past mistakes to allow you to settle and miss everything your future has in store for you, that God has ordained for you to become.


If I would have allowed everything that happened to me to stop me, I would not be alive---- honestly.


But I am here, and you are too!!!


So, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror, and I know it will seem awkward at first



Look yourself in the mirror, sis and tell yourself--- I am sorry….


But I promise you, you have to let it go so you can live fully.



Forgive yourself queen, when I forgave myself it humbled me


It reminded me of what I did and who I actually am. When I finally looked myself in the mirror I faced everything that I have been through.



I chose myself,


I chose my freedom,


I chose my peace.


I had the choice to release people even if I never hear the words I am sorry,


I stop wanting the revenge on others and what people thought about me

And I chose Romeika, I forgave myself.



I took ownership of all my faults, I looked myself in the mirror as the tears were rolling and I said I am sorry queen and it humbled me so much.



I walked around with such a nasty attitude, bitterness and resentment for so long until I faced myself. I had to get in the word of God and understand what God said about me, what love is and what is true forgiveness.


Until you forgave yourself,

God can not fix you.

God can not heal who you pretend to be.

You have to own what happened,

yes I know it might not be all your fault BUT you have to do the work.


Truth is, you can not fix them.

They may never say I am sorry but the healing is your responsibility.




Pastor Todd gave this great acronym for forgiving ourselves

F- Face you and you see all of the ugly

O- Own you because you actually did it

R- remind U; remind you of who God calls you.

You are not what you did but you are what God says about you. You have to declare what God says about you


You are His masterpiece

You are His child

You are his creation

You are a royal priesthood; you are not a failure, you are God’s child

Do not allow guilt and shame to keep you from everything that God has in store for you. You deserve everything and more that is coming your way. This is not your final destination, turn the page.

G- Grieve you; feel it. Allow yourself to be in the moment. You are human and you have feelings it’s okay to allow yourself to want to cry but don’t stay in your feelings.

Insulate u; get in community get around queens around you that will hold you accountable

Value u; You are worth it

Unpack all your trauma- invent in you and find a therapist. Trust me it is an investment.

E-embrace you — this is who you are


Now I know this was a lot to unpack but I’m proud of you queen!


Keep pushing,



Romeika



P.S. Check out my podcast episode, Sis Fix Ya Krown


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