Chapter 25

Chapter 25; has been my best year yet. Now let me give you a back story my birth day is December 28th and Christmas December 25th.My birthday and Jesus birthday are two separate celebrations. You don’t save half of my Christmas gifts and give them to me on my birthday nopeeee separate it!!!!

You don’t do that to your birthday so don’t treat my day like that. It is not my fault my parents were being grown in March

Husbae you hear this separate it lol ( just practicing saying that )

I lost my grandfather December 20th, 2006 and my grandfather was very wise. Like that was my homie

Told y’all he used to tell me to keep my big Head up so the world can see my smile —-

thennnn I lost my grandma December 2019. Now I’m like okay God why did I lose both pieces to my heart in the same month and sooo close to my birthday not to mention the holiday season.

Although loosing both of my grandparents in the same month was hard and it hurt daily I missed them soooo much but I choose to smile and trust God. Plus they are with Jesus that’s the ultimate prize right there!!!!!

I Normally travel for my birthday but due to losing my granny I didn’t travel however I promised myself chapter 25 was going to be dedicate to falling in love with myself.

Exactly you think because you see yourself everyday you love you. Like I would always hear people say they love them some me but I had no idea what that meant.

I didn’t belong to myself

Neither did I l truly understand my value

Not to mention I was sleeping with every dude so I truly didn’t know my worth, I was giving out this WAP freely

Not realizing every time I had sex with a different dude

I lost apart of myself and gained apart of them

I did not love myself truly!!!!!

I knew I didn’t want to stay like this And I was ready to grow and change!!!!!!

I remember texting one of my friends, she is so spiritual I asked her for some advice about growing with God and all that good stuff. I would never forget this. I was lying on my couch, I couldn’t sleep so I texted her and I asked her how do I grow with God. She gave me some great tips and she simply asked me what was my word for 2020. I’m like what sis a word, I was confused. She told me, Ask God what is my word for 2020 after I get it define it and find a quote to go with it.

A few hours later God gave me the word restoration. I had no idea what that word meant honestly.

But restoration is so powerful!!!

That’s what Jesus did for us!

Whenever God restores something He restores it to a place greater than it was before— Bill Johnson.

Now keep in mind I said I wanted to fall in love with myself again but I didn’t know how but God gives me the word restoration.

Chapter 25; has been just that my year of restoration. I have been able to restore my relationship with God. Reconnect with the word; rebuild my relationship with myself, My parents and just grow into all this awesomeness!

Rebuild means to make extensive repairs...... and let me tell you babbyyyyyy this girl has done some repairing .

In March of 2020, an old friend of mine simply told me you don’t like being by yourself. When he told me that I’m like sir I live by myself and I love every minute of that.

Little ole me didn’t know just because I enjoy living by myself and being alone was two different things.

I know I’m not the only one who thought that lol.

So when he told me that I really sat still and realized I did not really like being by myself.

I tried to hide all my mess by spending time with others.

Whether it was having sexual relationships just because, spending time with my mentees, working a sporting event game; track practice Or spending time with my friends.

I truly ain’t wanna be alone— being alone meant I had to face my reality And The truth is I was hurt , broken and damaged in so many areas.

It took him telling me what I didn’t want to hear to give me a reality call that I couldn’t live my life like that. I wanted to stop taking Ls.

I was readyyyyyy to love me some meee.. when you love you. Your inner beauty shinessss onto your outer beauty.

I made myself vulnerable to God; I gave him all the broken pieces because me carrying it left me nothing but busted with a nastyyyyy attitude. Ask my momma—— I was just nastyyyy for no reason -well it was a reason I just didn’t understand why I was nasty.

In April 2020, I started to go to therapy shout-out to my girl Jasmine for connecting me with my bombbbb therapist like she’s just the best!!! Shout out to Mrs . Kecia she is just so bombbbb

Everyone needs a therapist —that’s another blog but she has helped me unveil my curtain

I never realized I was so broken and had so many broken pieces on the inside of me but I was ready to grow—- I didn’t want to be broken no more I was tired of having sex to make me feel good or just to fill me up

Here is my real truth - I knew I had a problem when my grandma passed away and I had sex everyday instead of mourning her death... that’s a different episode lol lol

I say this to say sis don’t be afraid to live in your truth

Don’t be afraid to be you — if I was so worried about what others thought about me I would have never started my business— I wouldn’t have started my mentorship program not to mention doing this podcast—-

But it is beauty in all of my brokenness

It’s bigger than me and it’s bigger than you—God will restore everything and more that the enemy thought he had taken from me. Nothing is wasted in God

What I thought was a L was a stepping stone into my next level— everything is working out for my greater good

And it will work out for your greater good too-

What pieces are you hiding under that foundation— so other people can’t see it. I promise you if you don’t heal now you will bleed on other people who never hurt you

I’m glad I’m going through this now so my children won’t. I will give them generational blessings not generational curses. Don’t give up on the process, Trust the process and keep going.

I faced my addiction to sex so my grandkids can live freely And you will live freely too stop trying to find different outlets to give you a quick fix

Sis I tried all that the ping, the weed, the liquor All void fillers and nothing worked. Until I gave my broken pieces to God.!!!! Stop trying to do it on your own Give God a try, I promise He will never leave you nor forsake you.

It is getting better day by day and so are you!!!

Until we chat again remember it’s ok to

Cry your eyes out , wipe your tears, put your mascara back on, brush your eyebrows, add ya lashes and most importantly sis, fix your Krown.

If nobody tells you!